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Fit Notes from Nancy

What Do We Do About Dad?

Fitness Director

The Oaks at Ojai

nancy@oaksspa.com

Have you ever been frustrated by the unhealthy lifestyle choices of someone you love? Are you currently facing having to deal with the consequences of a loved ones poor choices?

Many of us have had to deal on some level with aging parents or spouses. Whether you are in the midst of this life changing journey, or on the other side, the heart of this article can apply to ANYONE in our lives- Father, Mother, spouse, child, sibling, or friend. What do we do when Dad (or anyone else we love) is doing things we know are not healthy?

It's a tough one, because the more we pursue our own good health, the more aware we become of how others in our worlds are living. It's very tempting to become "Jiminy Cricket" to someone when we know they're making Donkey Decisions. We KNOW we're right, so we take charge. Problem is, unless the other person is a child in our care, or an adult no longer able to make their own decisions, it's really not our business to change them, we can only change ourselves!

We can model good lifestyle behavior, we can buy and prepare healthy meals, we can encourage and invite, but at some point we have to know when to let it go. Our health journey is just that- OUR health journey! Of course we all want traveling companions, and of course we're thrilled when those we love the most are making healthy choices in every area of their lives, but we can't live others lives for them, as much as we'd like to!

I remember telling my over weight, inactive dad for YEARS that he, "Needed to exercise, needed to lay off the donuts, needed to lose weight". Ad nauseum. It was obvious to me that his sedentary lifestyle + diabetes + high blood pressure + a history of heart problems + stress was going to = a heart attack sooner or later. It did, 2 years ago. He survived, but is very compromised now in his lifestyle and overall health.

It was really frustrating. After all, I TOLD him. I KNEW. My sister and I talked at length about what would happen if he survived his surgery. "What do we do about Dad?" We only wanted the best for him. We simply wanted him to take care of himself. We were bound and determined to make him change.

It didn't really work that way.

At the end of the day, as it turns out,it's his life, not mine. He's an adult and he gets to choose. I may not like it, I may strenuously disagree, but I still don't have the right to enforce my views upon him.

So, what do we do about Dad? If you're lucky enough to still have one in your life, love him! As best you can. Love is the answer. Love, and be loved. Yes, love can be tough at times, love speaks a language of truth, love covers over a multitude of mistakes, but love, well, it loves. No matter what. It's the best we can do.

Make your healthy choices for you- They're bound to notice...

Nancy Byrd Radding- Fitness Director nancy@oaksspa.com

The Oaks at Ojai 122 E. Ojai Ave. Ojai CA 93023 (805)646-5573 www.oaksspa.com