Falling Back in Love with Yourself

We are, at best, complicated, aren’t we? The weight of contradictions both in the way we think, feel, and behave is enough to make a sane person crazy. Or is it just me? My invitation this month is for you to fall in love with you, again. What does that have to do with health? Nutrition? Exercise? Everything!

Sick self love, as we know, is Narcissism, where as healthy self love leads us to a place where we know and believe that healthy people will make healthy choices- we don’t want to miss the connection. The happier you are in a deep and meaningful way, the healthier you and your choices will be and vice versa, the healthier you are, the happier you’ll be.

If you are lucky enough to have come out of a healthy home and you were parented well, there is a lot you were taught along the way. For some of you a restoration of self love will simply mean glancing backwards to remind yourself of the good you already know. Life can be challenging and sometimes we lose heart and forget what is most important. Others of us did not have such a great head start and have had to figure things out along the way. It’s a longer, different journey to either find surrogate parents or mentors to teach us, or to have to parent ourselves and do the hard work of learning truths that were not taught sufficiently in our original homes.

Self confidence, security, and the ability to feel comfortable in our own skin can be learned or relearned at any stage of life. We have to be honest and brave to know ourselves, to stay in tune with our genetic propensities, our talents and desires- connected to who the “best” us is and pursuing the optimum level of satisfaction with that best version of self.

In the process of fearless self examination, which perhaps leads us to making small or large lifestyle changes, we have to be clear about why we would be willing to adjust our lives to make these changes. Loving ourselves enough to desire a clear and fresh vision of the healthiest, happiest, most ideal version of us that is age relevant, genetics honoring and sustainable will steer us away from punishing ourselves to try to achieve what may seem culturally pleasing, but is not really “us.” I want to be me. Don’t you just want to be you?

Good self parenting will motivate us to look into our own eyes and say, “I see you! I love you! I’m proud of your efforts! Let’s try again! No, no, that will hurt you!” We want to know what we’re aiming for and why it’s worth it to us to go there. Feelings of self loathing, punishing ourselves for failures, jealousy and competition, societal or peer pressure are not healthy motivators. It’s essential that we be honest with ourselves and our feelings- what do you most often say when you look in the mirror? Let’s change that dialogue if necessary.

Emotions are drivers- they do take us somewhere, so in our health journey we have to pay attention. In the process of self correction, there must also be self forgiveness when we have crossed our own boundary lines or lost heart.  Finding out what we love to do and eat, loving how we look and feel, choosing activities that are fun and bring us joy, now that’s healthy motivation for us to pursue with grace and a vengeance that absolutely unique and wonderful person we are the most comfortable with and proud of. Us.

Falling Back in Love with YOURSELF will lead to healthy choices!

“…and love your neighbor AS you love yourself…” Old & New Testament

“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is authenticity.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it maturity.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it simplicity.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is love of oneself.” Charlie Chaplin

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26 Comments

Lisa Huebler

Thank you, Nancy….. Your article has amazing timing!!! Just started working with a Life Coach, as I too have been feeling this way at 59…. I now don’t feel so alone!! Need A Day of Pampering at The Oaks 🤗.

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Valerie

Nancy, this was such a poignant piece. I think women struggle with this the most. Unfortunately I think we learn this when we are old and suffer so much as young people trying to please and love everyone other than ourselves. Maybe wonderful Grandmas like you can imprint the love of self to the children of the next generation.

Thank you for being so raw and honest.

Valerie

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Nancy

Valerie,

I agree- don’t we wish we had the wisdom we now possess in earlier years? And YES I am a Grandma on a Mission! LOL

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Janet Kushnereit

What a wonderful message. This is what I needed to hear today. If I focus on making these changes in the article, I will be the person I want to be. Thank you!

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Nancy

We do it a step, a change, and a choice at a time, Janet, right?? Thank you so much for your reply!!

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Sherry

Thanks you Nancy…nice reinforcement after my 5 meditative days with you and The Oaks last week. You always inspire.

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Nancy

Hi Sherry!! I’m so glad you were here with us!! And thank you for being inspired with me- it makes it all worthwhile. 🙂

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Alyce Parsons

Dear Nancy, this was a beautiful article and I can tell it came from the heart. It has been so lovely watching you grow and develop through all my years at the OAKS. This is the wisdom of age.
I have turned 76 this year and I first came to the Oaks when our son was a freshman at UC Santa Barbara. I was 43 years old at the time. Our son Michael was 17 and he is turning 50 years old this October 6! That means I have coming to the Oaks for 43 years! Our youngest grandchild, Kate is just entering UC Santa Barbara as a freshman. Time does fly!
Ideally and hopefully we grow in wisdom, love and compassion with ourselves as we get older. Sheila and all of you at the Oaks have added to my growth and development through the years. Thank you.
I have worked out and professionally given talks there on my Universal Style system and the Enneagram. I will be returning this fall. I am looking forward to seeing all of you at the Oaks. Thanks for a wonderful message. You are beautiful inside and out. A big hug, Alyce Parsons

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Nancy

You are AMAZING! I love stories like yours and look forward to your soon return. THANK YOU for sharing this fabulous and true Oaks story.

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Sarah Tyler

Nancy, love you and this sweet piece you wrote. I’ve been falling back into the toxic self-loathing mode, isolation, bad memories feed it. Thank you for this helpful column, a reminder to focus on the present, be mindful and feel gratitude every day for so many things. I cherish all my time at the Oaks, I’ve been coming for 20 years, and am so happy for the always warm welcome. I live on the East Coast, 3,000 miles away, but feel my connections to the Oaks community so deeply. I’ve learned so much from you, Sheila and all you smart, dedicated teachers. Thank you for being part of my life. Sarah Tyler

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Nancy

Sarah, thank YOU for being a part of OUR lives here- our guests are our friends and a huge part of our Oaks family- I so appreciate your comment and am always so grateful when what I write makes sense! I needed to hear it, so I wrote it!!

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chung

Thank you for this wonderfully and emotionally awakening article.
Thank you for waking me up and thank you for comforting me.

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Nancy

Dear Chung,

Thank you for that lovely response- I am blessed to have somehow comforted and touched something in you! I hope to see you soon at the Oaks!

Sincerely,

Nancy

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